Christy Wright, #1 bestselling author of Business Boutique, Take Back Your Time, and Living True, shares her #1 clue that she might need a boundary in her life, and sheds light on why women might be more hesitant to set or enforce a boundary in their lives than men are.

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For you personally, what are some clues that it’s time to either set up a boundary or revisit an existing boundary to reinforce it?

I love this question because I have experienced this recently. I’m an Enneagram eight, so I know it’s time for a boundary when I’m angry, like resentful angry. I’ll give you an example from years and years ago. I had this cute idea to make a calendar of pictures of my son for all the grandparents. We do it every year now! When my second son was born, I then had pictures of two kids to organize into the calendar. Then my daughter was born, and my sister-in-law had children, and everything just became insanely complicated.

The gift became a headache and I just wanted to throw my computer out the window. I became so angry last Christmas, about something that should be loving and wonderful, that I closed my computer and said, ‘I don’t have to do this.’ I know this sounds like such a crazy example, but I was so angry and resentful about something and it turned into me realizing that it was a good clue that I needed to make a change.

When you’re resentful about something, that’s a good clue that you need a boundary. There’s a tension that occurs when you’re going against yourself that results in causing that resentment in your life. And often, that resentment has nowhere to go. For me, resentment usually comes out as anger. Only once you get to the place of understanding that you are responsible for getting yourself into a place of resentment can you then understand that you hold just as much power to remove yourself from that situation and prevent a return to that place by setting up a boundary.

Why do you think women are afraid to set or reinforce a boundary?

Women want to be liked. There’s a ton of psychology research that backs this up. Women often care way more about what other people think of them than men do. In a way, we’re very uncomfortable with our own power, our own presence, as women. We don’t want to be ‘too much’ but we also don’t want to be ‘too little.’ We’re always trying to adjust ourselves to fit within our environment, which leads to us seeing ourselves in relation to others.

When you set a boundary, or say no, or stand up for yourself, you are creating the potential of rejection or conflict of people not liking you. And even really strong personalities will resist that. I’m a very strong personality Enneagram 8 and I don’t enjoy conflict or saying no. I think a lot of the fear of setting or reinforcing boundaries can come down to our nature, because we want to be a people pleaser. We want to help. We want to be kind. We want to be liked. But I think we can take it to such an extreme that we give more access than we should and that resentment we talked about earlier will build.

Christy Wright is the #1 bestselling author of Business Boutique, Take Back Your Time, and Living True. She is a certified business coach, dynamic speaker and personal development expert. Christy hosts two top-rated podcasts. On her show Get Your Hopes Up, she encourages people to get to know God, get closer to Him and get their hopes up again. Her Business Bootcamp show gives business owners the practical steps they want and the tough love truth they need to succeed. Christy has been featured on The Today Show and Fox News, and in Success, Entrepreneur, and Woman’s Day magazines.

Whether she’s running on stage in heels or running after her kids, coaching leaders or cleaning up goldfish crumbs, Christy makes the most out of life and loves to encourage others to do the same. Christy lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Matt, their three children Carter, Conley and Mary Grace, and their dog Cooper.