Does God really expect you to save sex for marriage? This week regular guest writer Stacy Repult opens up about her experience with Christian dating and the “S-word.” I so appreciate her openness and candor as she tackles this touchy subject. I hope you find her story encouraging. -Diane.
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Having spent all of my adult life thus far being single, I have many thoughts on the subject of dating as a Christian while trying to live according to Christian values. We live in a culture that mostly believes the Bible’s principles were written long ago and no longer apply. Many just determine their own version of what’s acceptable and what’s not. God loves us regardless and surely doesn’t expect us to think all those Biblical standards apply to us today, right?
Personally, I think God convicts us individually in areas He targets for our spiritual growth. One of us may be fully convicted on something that God has not even begun to address with someone else. There is so much work to be done in our spiritual growth, thank Heaven He doesn’t hit us with it all at once! But one thing I know for sure — when He does begin honing in on a particular area of our life, we know it. In fact, I’ve found if we don’t address it, it’s difficult to move forward. Round and round again we go as He points it out once more, saying, “This you need to let go of and trust me with.”
For me over the past decade plus, that area was premarital sex. It’s become almost expected in our culture as soon as you start into a relationship. And it often seems if you don’t agree with it, the man eventually goes elsewhere.
That had been my repeated experience — so many stories, so little time! But my relationship and intimacy with God suffered when I didn’t obey Him in this. And my relationships with men were not fulfilling. Christ was certainly not in the midst of those relationships to the degree I wanted.
It is a spiritual struggle to know you are choosing to be disobedient in something God is continuing to let you know needs to stop. There came a time when I had to choose. Was I going to trust God enough to obey Him in this? Quite difficult when I had never experienced any men throughout my dating (Christian, church-going men included) that would be willing to accept it.
I chose to trust and obey God with it.
And then I met Jim — the ONE. And yes, I was apprehensive as I didn’t want to lose him. So we had the talk eventually. And he was … quiet at first, but kind. I told him I had come to the conclusion that I could just not justify it to God. A few days later he came back and told me, “Stacy, you’re right”. He said he had prayed about it (a lot) and wrestled with it, but had to agree, waiting for marriage is the right thing to do. Jim has a close walk with God and a consistent prayer life of his own (really important in the man you chose to be with). What immediately struck me was just how manly this awesome man became to me at that moment.
So our journey began. And we are together in it.
I just want to share with those ladies that are also struggling with this – you can trust God with your obedience in abstinence. There are real men that will honor you in this. And in so doing, you can be both free and open to love one another and grow closer together, establishing a foundation that will be rock solid should it lead to marriage and all the great “stuff” that God designed for husband and wife. And a double bonus — your relationship with God will grow also.
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What about you and other singles you know? What do you find as you seek to obey God in this?