Ever feel overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions at work? In this inspirational blog, Jeannie Rose Barksdale shares her personal journey—from over-apologizing to learning the power of setting clear boundaries—that transformed how she leads. Discover practical strategies to stop taking on others’ emotional burdens and start focusing on what you can control. Let this blog empower you to create or strengthen your own boundaries, so you can lead with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

I got the call in CVS, where I was recovering after getting a vaccine. Still slightly woozy, I immediately picked up. The colleague calling me wasted no time in sharing her displeasure with me.

I thought being a good boss meant listening. And I did, for almost an hour, as she poured out anger and accusations. 

I knew I made mistakes as a boss, but this rant felt unfair and aimed at a failure to meet unreasonable expectations I had never agreed to. I wanted my colleague to feel better—to feel better about me—but this wasn’t a simple “wrong” I could apologize away.

But that didn’t stop me from trying! If there was one thing I’d learned from shows like Madame Secretary, it was that you can turn any relationship around if you just say the right words. So I tried, combining a killer combination of over-apologizing and over-explaining.

My diplomatic negotiations did not bring the desired peace. If anything, our relationship fractured further as I anxiously sought to make her happy, draining myself dry with words that never seemed to change things.

When I finally ran out of words, the only thing that was changed was the only thing I could ever control: myself. In my desire to be “a good boss,” I had virtually erased the boundary between us. In doing everything in my power to make the relationship work, I had lost sight of where I ended and she began. I kept trying to make her think and feel a certain way. I forgot it was not in my power to make her do anything. All I could do was honestly assess my own part, then practice living in the tension of someone misunderstanding or disagreeing. 

How often do we take on a responsibility that isn’t ours to carry? It can happen subtly, incrementally, and soon we are spending out-sized energy trying to manage another person’s emotions, thoughts and actions. Whether out of a desire to be esteemed or needed, or simply wanting people we love to make good choices, we can anxiously override the boundary between our self and another’s—a boundary even God, who persistently knocks but does not force His hand, respects.

Secular wisdom can help reveal the tangles of over-taking responsibility. But how do we go about untangling all of those responsibilities that should have never been ours? In the situation with my colleague, how could I have lived in the tension of an unresolved relationship, unjust accusations, and misunderstanding? In life, how can we let go of responsibility that isn’t ours to carry, especially when it involves something precious? 

Giving up on trying to convince or control someone else depends on having someone or somewhere in which to entrust these precious concerns for others. God invites us to leave these cares with Him. In the safety of God’s love and provision, anxious striving melts away. 

Now, I keep an index card on my desk with a liturgy of respecting boundaries: What is mine? What is theirs? What is ours? What is God’s? I pray these reflective questions regularly, listening intently for God’s leading. Then, when I hear Him, I seek to lead and rest in that freedom only He can give.

Based in Washington, DC, Jeannie Rose Barksdale is a partner at boutique firm Castañeda + Heidelman and previously served as General Counsel for International Justice Mission. As an attorney, she uses her legal expertise to empower mission-driven organizations to pursue their calling more effectively; as a writer, spiritual director and retreat leader, she does the same, attending to the soul. With her husband Nate, she is the parent of three young children, who provide excellent fodder for formation, reflection, and wonder. She writes at tangible.ink.