Boundaries Allow ‘No’ To Be a Whole Sentence
Christy Wright, #1 bestselling author of Business Boutique, Take Back Your Time, and Living True, encourages us to view “no” as a complete sentence when giving an answer for something that contradicts our boundaries.
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Boundaries might be considered a little negative, but in reality, they’re your best friends if you want to find a balance that feels “just right” for you. Do you agree?
It takes a lot of courage to set boundaries, because we’re worried about what other people are going to think of us. But what’s so interesting is that when you first set a boundary, it takes the thinking out of decision-making from then on. Boundaries free up so much brain space and they even boost your confidence because you’re only doing what is right for you.
Years ago, back when my husband and I were dating, we decided that Sunday nights were going to be our night at home. We protected that night and said that we were never going to take any commitment of any kind on a Sunday night. So any time an opportunity came up to do something on a Sunday night, our answer was already made for us. Setting this boundary gave us this night to get ready for the new week, be at home, and just relax.
If you want to set boundaries and actually protect all of the hard work you’re putting in to find balance, “no” needs to become one of your most intentionally used responses, right?
Yes! I think people don’t understand how powerful they feel when they get comfortable with saying the word ‘no.’ No is a scary word, but the more you say it, the easier it becomes. It’s like a muscle. If you’ve never worked out that muscle, it’s a little awkward at first and it’s a little weak, but the more you use it, the more strength you build and the more comfortable you are with it.
You have a say in your own life, so I always try to encourage people to acknowledge that ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain it, justify it, or apologize for it. Your life is yours, so ‘no’ is a complete sentence. Also, an honest ‘no’ is always better than a dishonest ‘yes,’ because if you say ‘yes’ when you really want to say ‘no,’ you’re either going to be miserable or have a bad attitude and be resentful because you never wanted to agree in the first place.
Now, if you are just incredibly uncomfortable with saying ‘no’ to someone, you can still say ‘no’ without actually saying it. My husband does this to me all the time. Let’s say that I come up with an idea to redecorate our entire house. He might say something like, ‘Wow, babe, that is so creative. You are such a good designer. I love how you just have an eye for that stuff. Now, we don’t have the margin in our budget or our schedule to take on a project like that right now, but I really love how you’re always looking to improve things.’
Wasn’t that so nice? His answer was still a ‘no,’ but he never said the actual word. His response was like a compliment sandwich that layered a compliment, a ‘no,’ and another compliment. When I’m coaching someone in this area of saying no and setting boundaries, I encourage people to script the conversation in advance. Doing this helps you say no in a way that’s true to you. Practice your script in front of your mirror, so that when someone asks you to do something and you need to say no, you don’t feel put on the spot. You literally lean on the script that you prepared in advance, you deliver that line, and then you’ve protected yourself as you get more and more comfortable saying ‘no.’
Christy Wright is the #1 bestselling author of Business Boutique, Take Back Your Time, and Living True. She is a certified business coach, dynamic speaker and personal development expert. Christy hosts two top-rated podcasts. On her show Get Your Hopes Up, she encourages people to get to know God, get closer to Him and get their hopes up again. Her Business Bootcamp show gives business owners the practical steps they want and the tough love truth they need to succeed. Christy has been featured on The Today Show and Fox News, and in Success, Entrepreneur, and Woman’s Day magazines.
Whether she’s running on stage in heels or running after her kids, coaching leaders or cleaning up goldfish crumbs, Christy makes the most out of life and loves to encourage others to do the same. Christy lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Matt, their three children Carter, Conley and Mary Grace, and their dog Cooper.