Jane Doerman invites you into a deeply personal—and profoundly biblical—exploration of self-compassion through the lens of Mark 12:30-31. While we’re often taught to “love our neighbor,” Jane challenges all of us to pause and consider: How well are we loving ourselves? Drawing from Scripture and her own experiences, Jane unpacks the essential truth that loving others well starts with extending grace, empathy, and kindness to ourselves.

With spiritual insight and practical wisdom, Jane introduces the foundational pillars of self-compassion—self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness—as a Christ-centered path to emotional healing and relational wholeness. This blog is a compelling reminder that transforming the way we treat ourselves can allow the Holy Spirit to transform the world around us.

In the book of Mark, Jesus is asked by a religious leader which of the 10 commandments is the most important. Without missing a beat Jesus answers him in Mark 12: 30-31: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

At first glance this would seem like an obvious answer. Throughout the Bible it says that we need to “Love the Lord with all our heart, soul and strength.” When we learn to love God wholeheartedly THEN we are able to love our neighbor. My question for you today is this:

How are you with loving yourself?

Upon further investigation and meditation on this verse it would seem that Jesus is implying we are incapable of loving our neighbor if we do not love ourselves well. It reminds me of the golden rule that gets drilled into us as kids: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

If we are truly honest with ourselves, most of us wouldn’t want to treat others the way we treat ourselves because when we get down to it… we struggle with showing kindness to ourselves, don’t we?

I’m no stranger to the inner critic that lives inside me. She is well known for her scathing reviews whenever I don’t perform optimally in my work. She likes to heap on the shame and blame when my kids act inappropriately in public. She really comes alive when she critiques how many calories I consume or burn each day.

One thing is for sure—I would NEVER dream of talking to another person the way I talk to myself. It’s no wonder anxiety levels are so high and our mental health is so low. We need to learn how to cultivate more self-compassion in our lives so that we can love others well and THRIVE!

Self-compassion is made up of three components: Self- Kindness, Common Humanity, and Mindfulness.

1. Self-Kindness means that we are as kind to ourselves as we are toward others. Consider how you feel when you fall short of expectations. Trade in the critical comments with words of encouragement and support as you navigate your next right step.
2. Common Humanity is our sense of interconnectedness with others. It’s realizing that all humans are flawed and on a lifetime trip of becoming. Nobody is perfect. Nobody has it all together. Nobody is exempt from experiencing hardships or adversity. This realization of our common humanity allows us to form connections with others DESPITE the situation we are suffering. This builds empathy and understanding with one another.
3. Mindfulness is being aware of your life experience in a clear and balanced manner. This means that you are presently aware of your thoughts, sensations and emotions without avoidance or resistance. You are acknowledging your pain or suffering in the moment and willing to BE with it and face the TRUTH of your experience.

This is just the beginning of the journey to a healthier mind set, but we all need a place to start. As we learn individually what it means to cultivate good mental health, it will benefit us to consider starting the journey with learning how to better love ourselves.

As followers of Jesus, it feels counterintuitive to what we are taught at church or small group. It’s paradoxical thinking like this that holds a nugget of truth: cultivating a loving connected presence can change the way we relate to ourselves and others.

By transforming how we treat ourselves we are allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to transform our hearts which will ultimately transform the world around us!

Jane Doerman is the Digital Communications Coordinator at 4word, where she leverages her expertise in media communications to enhance the organization’s digital presence and engage women in the workplace. She holds a degree in Media Communications and Business Management from Asbury University, with a career spanning roles at WLWT Channel 5, Cumulus Media Cincinnati, and the 2008 Beijing Olympics.

Previously, Jane served as the Communications Coordinator and Podcast Host and Producer for Polished Network, where she played a key role in content creation and promotion. She is passionate about connecting people’s stories and expanding networks for greater Kingdom impact.

In addition to her professional work, Jane is a member of her church’s Teaching Team, where she preaches regularly, and she contributes to the church’s Digital Experience Team. Outside of church, she enjoys spending time with her husband, Brian, and their three children at Kings Island. Jane also has a love for baking, volleyball, and storytelling.